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Inability to maintain a relationship
Why some people are unable to maintain a happy relationship
During their search for real love millions of people have already found their dream partner. Going by the proverb: “There is a lid for each pot” most people meet the right partner during the course of their life. However, what about those who seem to have no such luck in a relationship? What about those people for whom seemingly there is no suitable partner? They consider themselves as unable to maintain a relationship, and maybe that is even true.
Basically we humans are not made for a long lasting relationship. From the biological point of view the bonding with a partner is not necessary beyond the founding of a family.
However, most of us need a certain sense of continuity for our wellbeing, therefore a certain amount of stability is required. This includes, among others, also a relationship to another person with whom one can share the highs and lows of life. The steady partner offers stability and staves off, symbolically speaking, the ubiquitous transitoriness of being. Living in togetherness as a team makes the own life so much easier. Not only problems and desires can be shared but strength and support is offered to one another. People that are generally considered as unsuitable for a relationship are mostly left to their own devices. Their changing love partners cannot offer them the necessary support like a steady partner can. But why are some people unable to maintain a relationship in the first place?
In order to really be able to maintain a relationship a lot of readiness for compromise and tolerance is required. In opposition to this stands the own selfishness and the personal urge for freedom. Being unattached is for many people the most important principle. They are unwilling to give up this basic need even in a steady relationship. Thus they do no justice to the nature of a relationship. After all the own desire for freedom stands in stark contrast to the natural circumstances of a relationship.
People unable to maintain a relationship are often selfish and spoiled. They clearly lack the readiness for compromise and the ability to really love another person. This can have various causes. Basically this behaviour is the result of a lack of parental care during childhood. People who did not receive parental love and care during their childhood years are later seeking love from other people. However, since nobody can really replace this missed childhood love, the deprived people are always discontented with their partner. They need change from time to time which they achieve, among others by constantly changing their sexual partner. Even if these people get themselves into those situations, they are never really happy with it. They never find long term happiness in another person, and wonder around all their life in an unhappy dissatisfied state. Even if this description doesn’t fit all the people with inability to maintain a steady relationship, it does reflect a very underestimated and widespread phenomenon.
Often people of weak character are inclined to be unable to maintain a steady relationship. They are also inclined to have a play-acting attitude. They tend to erect a protective wall around their emotions by pretending to be something else and suppressing their real feelings. This is the way these people cover up their own insecurity. The first problems are already pre-programmed when these people start to close themselves off from their own partner. The partner who has been shut out is often not able to interpret the behaviour correctly and therefore not in the position to take the necessary action. In the long run these relationships are doomed to fail where one part is not able to open up and communicate with the other.
Oftentimes the people who are unable to maintain a steady relationship believe the flaws lie with their partners or with the opposite sex. This way they misjudge their own faults and try to pin the blame on someone else. Their expectations of their partners are often too high, which the incompatible people use as a reason to terminate the current relationship. Again they misjudge and ignore the fact that every person has their own faults, which make them unique and lovable at times. Each one of those individuals unable to maintain a relationship who actually recognise their own weaknesses can try to work on self improvement. To do this, the own situation and behaviour must be correctly recognised. The own point of view must be made clear, otherwise the work on oneself will have little chance of success.
If oneself is deemed unable to maintain a steady relationship, it will be very difficult to change fundamentally. It is impossible to replace the missing parental love. However, it is possible to discover love for another person by oneself. First of all you must cease to chase after an illusion, and secondly you should try to honour and value the love you receive from your partner. You don’t often meet a person who really loves you. It is therefore even more important to develop a sensor for such a relationship, and to understand, that true love cannot be found in several partnerships. Instead you should concentrate on people who accept you the way you are and give you all their love.
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